Male Female Etiquette: Yes Women

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It has come to my attention that in the dating field we make getting together a little more difficult than it needs to be. Here’s a great tip to make it easier.

Generally it’s a man who asks a woman out so we’ll stay traditional here.

Ladies, If a man asks you out, and you actually have the desire and interest to go out with him, replying with any of the following is bad form:

“I can’t.”

“Can’t. I’m doing xyz,”

“I already have plans,”

“I’m at my friends house (or any other physical location)…”

What this does is telegraph to a man that you’ve got no interest whatsoever in getting together. Where is the rest of this terribly fragmented sentence?  All I want to say after hearing something like this is… And??? And then what?

We all lead busy lives. We don’t just need to hear how busy you are or that you can’t and you can’t and you can’t without making some attempt on your part to show that you actually want to see the other person.

I personally like and respond well to yes women. And at the very least I like a woman who suggests an alternative when she is interested like,

“Oh, I can’t tonight BUT (magic word) I would love to see you on Wednesday or Friday.”

“Tomorrow’s not good but how about tonight?”

“You know, I’m so busy the whole week but I do want to to see you. How about sometime next week?”

Ah! men and women would love this.  It’s not that you’re creating more of a desire when you say no and we have to keep asking, it actually just sounds like you’re not interested. And if you’re not interested, that’s fine, but definitely do not say no by just telling us how busy you are. Say no by saying no.

I’m not sure what it is, if it’s a fear of being rejected or just not wanting to put yourself out there a little bit, but I assure you, dipping your toe into the water and making yourself a little available will go along way with the person that you like. So simple and so attractive. That friends, will make you stand out amongst the rest.

Wine and Dine: You got Served Etiquette

This etiquette applies to anyone who eats at reasonably to expensively priced restaurants.  While they are definitely do’s and don’ts for people who are actually in the service industry, it’s important to know how to handle yourself in a way that gives you an outstanding dining experience without feeling guilty. To practice good form as a server the following should always be observed:

1. Never come to my table and ask if I would like “Bottled sparkling or bottled flat water,” For $10 a bottle as though I do not have the choice to drink filtered tap or tap.
– Patrons, never feel guilty to ask for ‘regular’ or filtered water from the tap.

2. Never leave empty plates, sugar and straw wrappers, empty glasses on the table.
Patrons, never hesitate to cue your waiter or bus boy in  by stacking or downright handing them the plates before they leave the table

3. Never ever walk up to a table and simply say, “Are you guys ready to order?” or worse, “Do you know what you want?” or abominable, sit there in silence staring at your table waiting for us to reply.
Patrons, feel free to apply social pressure by saying, “Hi there!” in a clear voice with a smile and sit and stare at them as they wither beneath your kindness.  Engage further by asking their name.

4. Never ask someone to take their used fork or utensil off their plate and save it for their dinner and certainly do not physically take it off their plate yourself with your own hands
Patrons, feel free to request a fresh one if you so desire unless this does not bother you

5. Never stare at your patrons attractive date of the opposite sex longer than your same sex patron and certainly don’t flirt if they are with someone of the opposite sex.
Patrons feel free to accidentally nudge your waiter or pull him or her from his trance with a direct question

6. When a customer asks for something to accompany their meal, bring it to them to enjoy during their meal, not after. If someone asks for a side of sauce to accompany their entree, bring it as quick as you possibly can
Patrons, don’t hesitate to stand up and go make the request of another waiter or manager. Also don’t hesitate to rise and request a check if you’ve been waiting longer than five minutes.

7. Don’t check on your tables in motion, or while you’re trying to walk away because you are in such a hurry to go somewhere else. Do not ask “is everything ok?” as you are barely facing and have one eye on your next table.
Patrons apply social pressure by looking them square in the face like you’re going to say something, smile, wait for them to stop and take a breath, then speak normally

I think we can all agree that sometimes half the experience of a nice dining experience is the atmosphere and service. I have had incredible meals turn sour fast based solely on a waiters mood or lackluster attitude. While I don’t think it’s good to fight fire with fire, use some of the tips in here to help you salvage any poor dining experience.

Phone Etiquette V – Make no Assumptions

Many of us have heard it before:

“I called you and you didn’t answer”
“Why didn’t you pick up the phone?”
“I called but you didn’t pickup so I assumed you were busy.”
“I called but I couldn’t reach you I assumed you didn’t love me anymore and we’re not together”

Whoa Nelly! Hold the phone! What? I wasn’t at your beck and call when you happened to decide that to call and you’re upset? Friends, am I allowed to shower? Or swim in the ocean, or simply be without my phone?

Phone etiquette V deals with not assuming that just because the person did not answer your call, that it is a personal attack on you.  I once knew a woman who would not return anyone’s calls for hours and many times days on end.  But then, as though the World spun on its axis only for her, she would become flustered when the person did not pick up when she found it convenient for her to call. The same girl would arrive 30 to 60 minutes late to her appointments but then be very upset and on the verge of walking out if she wasn’t tended to immediately.

Naturally this is the same kind of person who doesn’t leave a voicemail and is guilty of breaking more phone etiquette.

When calling people on the phone, give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t cancel plans, make other arrangements or decide to believe something about them simply based on their inability to not answer the phone.  This is poor form. Trust that if you leave a message the person will call you back. If it’s super urgent, call, leave a message and then follow it with an important text.

Change of Plans Etiquette

Making plans with someone symbolizes a commitment and reflects the integrity of your word.  Whether it’s someone you just met or a close friend, there are ways to cancel and ways not to cancel. If you’ve been going about canceling on people either by text or by just not showing up because you are “so busy,” you are guilty of poor social etiquette.  If you’ve committed yourself to a date, dinner, engagement or get together with someone, and you need to cancel on them, have the courtesy to give them a phone call.  And not right at the moment or slightly before your’e supposed to get together.  Make sure to do so several hours or a day before the set time.  Here are a few examples of poor form via text:

“Can’t Tonight”
“Tonight’s not going to work for me”
“Hey, I can’t make it tonight”
“I had something come up”

What do all these sentence fragments have in common?  Ummmm, he rest of the sentence!  Generally you don’t want to cancel on someone you’ve made plans with without:

1. A very good reason (not something better you found to do)
2. A fair explanation of why you’re canceling if appropriate, and most importantly
3. Aaaaaaaand? Now what?

Number three is where I see most of populous America go wrong. Now what are you going to do about the fact that you’re canceling. The burden and guilt lies on you, not them.  Who wants to be looking forward to an event, movie, dinner and go get ready for it, mentally be excited and looking forward to it and then get some egregious and nebulous text message that says, “Can’t make it out tonight.”  No apology, no explanation, no remorse and most importantly no commitment to reschedule.  It’s as though no one ever puts themselves into anyone else’s shoes.  Unexpected things magically “come up” and this becomes all important to the flake. Suddenly their life takes precedence and they can’t be bothered for anything else.  What many of us fail to realize is that broken expectations can really hurt.

By far the most shocking piece of all this is how many people just leave it at a cancellation without any rectification.  Even when they are fully interested in getting together again or want to make it up to that person, people still flake poorly.  Here to help you is the appropriate sentence structure when you call your friend or family member to blow them off:

“Hey, I’m really sorry I can’t make it tonight… I’m not feeling well… Can we reschedule? When is good for you?

“I can’t come to the movies tonight BUT, I am totally free tomorrow anytime and Friday after 6, do any of those times work for you? I’d love to see you.”

“Hey, I just wanted to tell you I had something private but important come up and I can’t make dinner. Can I treat you to dinner next Tuesday? What’s your schedule looking like

And then make the plan!  Do something about the fact that your life has caused you to cancel plans with someone and they are probably not thrilled about it.  This is what is known as common courtesy. Not other worldly courtesy. Not “giving all your power away” courtesy or “I don’t chase men and couldn’t handle rejection” courtesy, common courtesy. The kind that we all are capable of possessing.

The frustration of a cancelled plan is always softened by making a new plan.

Mother used to constantly remind me of a golden rule when I was young: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.   Change of plans etiquette is the perfect place to practice this principle. Try it out and you’ll be amazed how people will respect you more.

Paper Napkin Etiquette

Last night I was having an amazing dinner. The restaurant was such that it Artie came with a decent size cloth napkin. I only ordered two small plates with my waiter came by and send an enormous stack of paper napkins on top of my table.

In most bathrooms across the world, paper towels prevail. Generally they’re so thin they require 2 to 3 to dry your hands with. And for the super anal 4-5 so that you can open the door and not touch the handle. When I multiply this across the tens of thousands of people who use it every day and then multiply that by the tens of thousands of establishments that exist in one state alone, and then multiply that by the tens of thousands of establishments exist across the world, I can’t even fathom how much paper is being used.

Every single time I go into a small bakeshop, coffee shop, bakery, deli, or restaurant and order a little something small to go, inevitably it winds up getting packaged in a large plastic container, with a thin piece of waxed paper wrapped around it, and then 2 to 5 large napkins put inside of an additional paper bag. The amount of waste that gets created for one single sweet, or one single snack, or one single bagel, multiplied by the billions of items that are sold every day creates such an unfathomable amount of waste it makes my head spin.

Anytime I stop at the drug store or supermarket and I purchase one item, no matter how tiny it is, I am always having to tell the clerk to not put it in a bag because that is their default action. What do I possibly need a bag for which one item I ask? They’re inevitable response is, that’s what people always want. I multiply this out by the trillions of purchases made every single day for one or two quick items and I cannot wrap my brain around the amount of waste.

To avoid eating out all the time, there’re times that I cook for myself at home. This is a good thing. Sometimes I want an accompanying snack with what I’m eating or something already prepackaged. The amount of waste for one $.99 package of seaweed snacks that consists of a large aluminum wrapper and a large plastic tray is astounding! I multiply this time’s the billions of packages for seaweed alone tickets purchased on a daily basis and I can’t even wrap my brain around the amount of waste.

If I forget to bring my recycled bags back to the supermarket to use for shopping, evidently bags are so poorly made these days but now everything needs to be double bag. So top of all the waste from all the packaging it takes to simply bring food home into the house, I also have to waste twice as many paper or plastic bags.

You know that these are just a few examples that we experience every day of the unnecessary use and waste of paper. It takes just a little bit of consciousness to be less wasteful and blessed consuming more importantly. There is absolutely no need to consume the amount of paper products that we use on a daily basis for such small things. Started serving yourself on a daily basis. Notice the amount of times that you throw something in the garbage, and begin to think about the footprint that you make. I am highly conscious of this, and still there are times where I am throwing away several large trash bags a week of recycling. I can’t believe it! Sometimes it almost makes sense for me to eat out more so that I can consume less.

© 2017 Tari.Tv